Get Into His Head: Writing From Male POV

That secret place. That place of endless mysteries, that every woman yearns but fears to tread. The male psyche. By Jove, how we ponder. What is it like? Would we be consumed by it all, sucked deeper and deeper into the abyss, lost in the endless stress of time, deeper and deeper we go, never reaching the bottom until our sanity is drained from us from now until the end of time! *gasp!*

Nope.

Its as empty as…I dunno, something that’s always empty! LOL Just kidding. Men do think and have their own mannerisms, it just may look slightly different from how we women operate. So when writing a convincing male character, how do we go about achieving this?

 

Sight

You’ve heard it told a million times over, men are naturally more visual than women. Its just a fact. Men have more light receptors in their eyes and have better depth perception (I know this for a fact, as I worked as an eye care professional for several years). Men are often able to see further distances than women.

This means your male character will first notice the visual of something before assigning value to it. For example, if a man looks at something once, its usually a look of instinct. First assessing if its danger. The second look is the look of interest, he is assigning it a value to him. This goes back to the old, man is a hunter adage.

 

Big Picture

Hand in hand with the topic of sight. Men tend to look at the bigger picture while women look at the details. Think of it like this. A man wants to be CEO. That is all he knows, that is what he is going for. To him, nuances figure themselves out later. A woman, on the other hand, will know she wants to be CEO and plan every step in between. She will know down to the person she needs to smile at the office Christmas party who know the janitor that cleans the Supervisor’s office, who can drop her resume on his desk, by accident. LOL

Its not that the man doesn’t have a plan, its just that he is more of a doer as opposed to thinker. He will take the route that comes available to him that seems right to at the time, that he thinks will get him closer to his goal. He rarely plans every single encounter or scenario.

Example:

Have you ever watched a man put something together? Does he ever read the instructions? Like, ever? I wager, not. He is going all in and figure it out as he goes. Whereas a woman, it is the opposite. Before she takes out a single screw, she skims the instructions, at least.

 

Action

WW2 Soldier

Men are problem solvers. Its in their blood. Men tend to operate in the logical sphere (although it seems like they’re not, lol). Their thought processes as often linear. This action + this action = result. Women, we make flow charts and pie graphs, with foot notes and annotations!

This is a mistake, I often see with male characters. They are written through a female lens. Contrary to popular belief, a man does not take action simply for the sake of action. If he does something, its usually for a specific purpose, a specific goal he wants to achieve. His moves are direct and deliberate, and often, consequences be damned.

Pro Tip:

Ask yourself, what does this man want to achieve, in this moment? What logical reason did he have? Which action will get me the desired result with the least amount of effort possible?

 

Communication

 

 

I hate over generalizations, but…do I really need to expand upon this? Men talk less. The end.

Even the most articulate, outspoken and extroverted man talks less than the average woman. Ladies, I’m sorry, its just a measured fact.

  • MOST MEN SEE CONVERSATION AS A MEANS TO RELAY INFORMATION.

Let me repeat that once again.

  • MOST MEN SEE CONVERSATION AS A MEANS TO RELAY INFORMATION.

ONE MORE TIME!

  • MOST MEN SEE CONVERSATION AS A MEANS TO RELAY INFORMATION.

  • They don’t say one thing and mean another. For example, a woman will say “are you hungry?” and quite often mean “I’m hungry, can we eat?”. A man will simply say “I’m hungry.”
  • Small talk and men are not easy companions.
  • Men tend not to use talking as a means to strengthen emotional ties.

DO NOT confuse this as lacking, however. Whereas a woman tends to externalize, a man, internalizes. What does this mean? Men are problem solvers, and they will think about how an issue will be solved.

For example: If something bothers a woman, she will talk about it. She will seek comfort and guidance from those close to her. Often, she is not looking for anyone to “solve” anything, she just wants to be heard, understood and comforted. A man on the other hand, will brood on his problem. He will not verbalize what is really troubling him until he reaches a (in his mind) satisfactory conclusion.

Men are usually more direct in their speaking, as well. They will say what they think and mean what they say. Men will rarely, if ever use euphemisms. They’ll call a spade a spade.

 

Emotions

Ewww…yuck! Yucky emotions. LOL

Ever wonder why when we see a man cry on the news it tugs at our heartstrings just a little bit more than if it was a woman? We are conditioned to see a woman cry, but boys are conditioned to repress all emotions, except for anger. Its is deemed as more masculine.

 

 

Contrary to popular belief, a man is also (if not, more so) an emotional being, he simply does not express them the way a woman will. As I said before, a man will internalize. Women express their emotions, whether it be shouting when angry, crying for sometimes no reason at all or silence when danger looms. LOL

Men feel every ounce of emotion a woman does and is better at masking it than she. DO NOT shy away from showing a man’s vulnerable side. It will take longer to develop, he may not even realize what it is that he was feeling but to deny it, is to deny a man his humanity. He is NOT a robot or a piece of concrete, even if he pretends he is.

 

Ego

superman represents the male ego

 

It goes without saying that a man is very much driven by his ego. DO NOT take this to mean that he should be arrogant of self centered. This simply means that men have a burning need to feel respected and wanted. In much the same way a woman wants to feel cherished and appreciated. A man’s ego tends to manifest in certain ways:

  • Rarely ask for advice (especially from the women in their lives). This hurts his ego as he sees himself as incapable and that beats him down. Doubt me? When was the last time a man in your life asked for directions when driving?
  • Hard admitting when their wrong, or when they do not know an answer. Doubt me, think of the last time you got an apology from a man.
  • Men very rarely respond to direct commands unless it’s issued by a boss or other ranking figure.
  • Hero complex. This does not manifest in the sense that he is the strongest or smartest, but he does enjoy feeling like he is.

 

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS TO AVOID

 

  • Men ONLY think about sex. This the biggest one. Men, believe it or not, do have other thoughts running through their brain. Such as food, shelter, sleep, pooping and you know…other means of basic survival. LOL just kidding. While the more inflamed sex tends to think about this a lot, it is important to note that its not the be all and end all. The first thing a man will notice is the visual value. Any author that says anything about the first thing a man noticed about a woman is her intelligence is being disingenuous. Yes, he will notice that but it won’t be the first thing. Think of it as icing on the top.
  • Masters of the boudoir. Let’s get real. NOT EVERY man is the Picasso of lovemaking. Sometimes, they are clueless, even the smoking hot ones. It actually happens more than you think. And, it goes without saying, most men abhor sexual violence against women.  Be careful not to paint all your males as masters of seduction.
  • Always dark and brooding. If I see another of this archetype I’m going to hurl. Men are like women except with different body parts. Just like there are a variety of women, there are a variety of men. All male personalities are NOT the same. Some are outgoing. Some are reserved and others still are a healthy blend. DO NOT limit you male characters to one archetype. DO NOT always make your dark and brooding man the love interest or hero.

 

Always physically powerful. The same way not all women are buxom beauties scantily clad and wrapped in cellophane, not all men are bursting out of their gym shirt with muscles rippling across their abdomens. Men suffer from body dis-morphia as well. Consider this when writing your male lead.

 

 

 

Well…that’s all I have for you today folks! Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments below. For even more cool information check out this awesome book. Until next time G-NATION, Genesys out!

 

WORD!

4 Comments

  1. Reply

    Esellyn Richardson

    January 30, 2018

    Thank you so much for this, it will help so much when I write men and boys in my books.

    • Reply

      Sherri Genesys

      February 2, 2018

      You are so very very welcome!

  2. Reply

    Doneeka

    August 20, 2017

    Love the blog very cute and very informative. I do believe however that men see us as there secretaries. We must anticipate their every need and fill in where there leave off.

    • Reply

      Sherri Genesys

      December 10, 2017

      Thank you so much! I know that’s the truth, LOL. But, we have to make them understand, we are so much more than that!

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